Celebration of life. ▲

what do you do when someone you love so much, 

someone you grew up with 

leaves you 

so abruptly.

hello guys.

my grandfather defied gravity and left earth and mankind yesterday night. it was a depressing moment considering the fact that his body hasnt been performing up to par for the entire week. i cried for the entire week and everyone keep telling me that he would get better, but i guess they were wrong. this week is definitely ranked the lowest, most depressing week of my life. i cried everyday on the way to school, at home and i've never been so fake in my entire life around my peers at school.

we all rushed to the hospital yesterday afternoon after an urgent call from my dad. i ran into the ward and hugged my dad 'is he okay?'. my dad looked at me, pointed at this weird contraption that showed a line that occasionally turned into a wave, 'all his organs are gone, he only has heartbeat. he has a little left, so lets wait with him till the line goes flat.' 

when i heard those words, i bawled. we stood around and i just looked at him, thinking of all the times that we spent together. after 3hours, the line officially went flat and the nurse pronounced him dead. i walked over to the body and looked at him, running my hand down his body for the last time as i cried for another 3 hours. it was heartbreaking to hear my father and uncle planning for his funeral and watching the nurse bring his body to the morgue. 

i guess i'm so affected by this because i'm really attached to my paternal grandparents.

and my grandfather gave me alot to remember and taught me alot.

i just want another chance to talk to him.

when i was born, my family didn't have a proper home. so my parents and i seek shelter at my grandparents place for two years before my sisters were born. i pretty much grew up in that house and my childhood revolved mostly around my paternal grandparents. 

as i grew up, we would have occasional sleepovers at my grandparents'. i remember vividly waking up every morning and sneaking down the stairs to see my grandmother cooking and having to jump on my grandfather's bed to wake him up. i cannot bear to think that my grandmother is crippled and weak and my grandfather, well, he isnt around anymore.

the whole ordeal started when i was in primary 5. i remember it was midyear as i was just getting back my higher chinese results. i remember rushing to my grandparent's house and bragging about my distinction on my higherchinese paper. and out of a sudden, my grandmother broke down. we rushed to the hospital and from that day on, it just snowballed into a series of events.

my grandfather had to live alone for awhile because my grandmother's health was deteriorating and he took many pills to surpress his feelings and such. the pills then led to his own health weakening so both were sent to live in a home where they would be properly cared for.

 i never got a chance to share with them my experiences in secondary school. i never got a chance to tell them about the 4 best years of my life, and i guess now i wont have the opportunity to tell my grandfather.

i'm learning to accept the fact that it's a natural process and i guess i'm relieved that he passed away so peacefully, and i was there with him for the last moment of his life. 

my grandfather was 79 when he left last night. he's a good man and has contributed much in society as a former teacher and table tennis coach. he has helped so many people to achieve their dreams and never failed to prioritise others before himself.

most importantly, he made an impact in my life.

he taught me how to live my life, how to be nice to people and always share amazing stories of his life with me. i'll always treasure that.

19/9/14. 
the day my beloved grandfather's meaningful journey came to a peaceful end. thank you so much for all the values and lessons throughout the years you were around. your stories and laughter will always be in my heart. i'll definitely miss you dearly. you've done so much as a former teacher to many students and as an amazing grandfather to me. 

rest in peace, 爷爷. 
may you have a wonderful and blessed afterlife. 
爷爷，谢谢你. 
我爱你.

Sept hols. ▲

never actually expressed my love for joe sugg. ;)

hello!

I've been coming to blog alot more recently to destress myself and also because i really want to remember my Year4 life. 

So it's the september holidays! or is it? Can't really tell considering the fact that we had school on the first two days. I had to attend chemistry & amaths remedial, which was a pain as it was my two least favourite subjects. So on monday, I had to sit through almost 4 hours in total of two boring subjects, oh was I falling asleep throughout the entire duration. I honestly learnt nothing from amaths remedial as I had officially given up on the subject. I had a month to the national exams and nothing I do seems to work to pull up my amaths grades, and I sure am not going to spend any more time trying.

On tuesday, however, school was much easier to handle. In the early mornings, we had chemistry practical which already took a whole load off my back as I wouldnt have to sit through any boring lectures but enjoy myself in the lab, creating weird concoctions etc. after that, we had a 4hour break between chemistry and amaths remedial. a few of us left for compass point for the long break where we ate, talked and gossiped. the long break caused many students to make the decision to not attend amaths remedial. the turn out was horrible, only a few of us went and only one guy went haha, ChunMun was the only guy who was motivated enough to show up HAHA.

I didn't bring my notes so of course I asked him if we could share since we ARE bestfriends and it was kinda his job haha jkjk. but he agreed, being the awesome guy he is, and we sat together at my usual seat at the extreme left end of the class. it wasnt a surprise when the rest of the class (all girls mind you) segregated themselve to the other end of the class, leaving the two of us alone. claps and teases filled the room but honestly, we couldnt be bothered with the attention. sitting with my best friend made amaths alot easier to sit through as we talked throughout the entire lesson and surprisingly, managed to answer every question the teacher threw at us with no fault. gosh I felt like a genius haha. 

On wednesday, cheryl, xueying, vivian and I went on an impromptu trip to bugis just to get away from all the stress. it was a good break too and i really needed that short getaway from the 4walls of my own home. xueying was surprisingly good at shopping, she ran from store to store grabbing and buying while cheryl & I stood at the side, completely astounded. after the shopping trip, we ate popeyes before taking ootd photos in an orange alleyway just outside popeyes. It was rather awkward considering we were just beside the toilet and people were frequenting the loo so often throughout our duration there. overall, a fun day spent with the girls! cant wait for after olevels to have more trips of the like!! 

The rest of the week was pretty much like a flow of water from a water tap, over really quickly and the olevels are fast approaching. it's so quick to realise that we only have a month left and 2months left till it'll be all over. it's a bitter-sweet feeling. after 2months, we probably will graduate and not look back at all the friendships we have forged over the 4years in edgefield sec. now that coursework is over, i kinda miss the times where we stay back and rage over how we hate coursework and how we dislike and regret taking d&t. i guess i'll have the same response after the olevels. 

keep fighting!

Teacher's day 2014. ▲

Hello!

Prelim3 is finally over. Well, it didn't take too long considering the fact that it was over in 6days. Overall, I think all the papers were fairly difficult, even the d&t paper! I studied everything in the books and the notes and I found it hard, when the rest of the class found it surprisingly easy. Ohhh i hate when it comes down to me being the only one in class finding the paper relatively difficult. Hopefully I don't score too badly for the paper. 

Sooooo, right after our last paper on wednesday, all the secondary4 students were called down for aces day tkd practice. Apparently, at least 3/4 of 4Everest skipped the practice. I initially wanted to be present for the practice but the long break between the last paper and the actual practice was far too long. I got carried away when i went out for lunch with a group of very good friends. So in the end, we all skipped and we did terribly on thursday, the actual day.

It was rather obvious that many sec4s didn't go for the practice because everyone was fumbling over the moves and laughing over each other's mistakes. Haha and the sad thing was that Mr Leong actually dedicated the aces day tkd practice to the Year4s. Sorry Mr Leong!

After teacher's day, cheeyin, xueying, vivian, shiqing and I went to compass to sit and talk. We talked for hours straight and it was quite fun to just sit around for some girl talk. :) We also went around the school shouting 'happy teacher's day' to all our favourite teachers! best students ever, guys! 

Oh and who can forget about Mr Wang! I have to say a very happy teacher's day to him for being such a teacher! He's genuinely my favourite teacher ever just because he's probably the only teacher that got me to actually like a subject that i initially hated so much. He's the only reason why I was able to find just a little joy in d&t and probably the cause of my relatively good grades in the subject as well. So i sent a touching teacher's day message to him! (haha my 2013 message to him is also on my blog)

oh yea, he's not in my school anymore because he came to our school briefly last year as a trainee teacher. 

Well, Olevels approaching quickly and I'm firm on going fullforce from now till the actual exam. Wish me good luck omg and I really can't wait to actually let go of everything and enjoy myself entirely and wholeheartedly after my olevels. With the upcoming prom and the many outings that my friends and I have planned for after the Os, i honestly cannot wait any longer! 

Keep fighting!